Chief Editor of Kommersant UK Ksenia Dyakova Tinoco attempted to interview Russian businessman Yevgeny Chichvarkin, the investor behind Hide restaurant and Hedonism Wines store. The result was a short collection of aphorisms on British realities, business, children and finding happiness in this crazy world.
On Business
Russian business is like ‘chasing butterflies on a minefield’, as you’ve said before. Could you describe British business in a similar metaphorical way?
“Here everything is like in the movie Ammonite. Wearing very beautiful clothes, you dig in the dirt for ages, find something, clean off the excess layers for a very long time and then try to sell it for five pounds. Yet it may turn out that you’ve discovered something amazing, and it ends up in the British Museum.”
Which Russian businesses in Britain draw your interest?
“All our restaurateurs – Zelman, Demichev, and Weinstein. Revolut, of course, with the brilliant Nikolay Storonsky. There is also Bumble for dating, albeit it’s already been sold. It was created by Andrey Andreev. And Russian-owned Jiffy is opening its dark stores in London. Everything Russian, as far as service is concerned, comes off with flying colours, thanks to our signature ‘any whim for your money’ attitude. In any field, a Russian company can outdo the locals if it provides the right service.”
On the Country
Do you like the British?
“I like Britain even more than the British. I mean the spirit of this country. When you fly in from Catania, you just want to hug every British policeman and customs officer in your way, because they are normal. In Italy they are like in a 1960s movie with Gabin. A guy comes over, opens your document, looks at it forever, then twelve more policemen appear – and just stand around, smoking and staring at you. Catania has a very good climate, its nature is beautiful, and everything is five to six times cheaper than here. But as far as the state and its functions are concerned, it is a complete disaster.”
Where do you like to spend your time?
“I really love the sea, I love water –the Isle of Wight, Hayling Island and Camber Sands beach. I love all the parks in London. The best place to clear your head is Mount Street Gardens in Mayfair. I feel comfortable in London, I feel metropolitan.”
You once said that one could earn millions and billions with zero integration into the local British community and a grasp of English sufficient for a taxi driver. Have you changed your mind since 2008?
“I am as integrated as I want to be. I’ve got British friends – they are my trainers, and we have developed close friendships. We wish each other happy birthday and exchange gifts. Well, if I had to face a two-day cross-examination in the High Court of London, I would manage without an interpreter. But I have never learned to make funny jokes in English. For this, you need to know some deeper codes.”
On Brexit, the Pandemic and the Climate Crisis
What’s your outlook on the staffing shortages after the pandemic and Brexit? Have you had to deal with this problem?
“There is nothing surprising about it; this overwhelming impotence on all fronts affecting the service industry was predicted ages ago. People in Britain have turned lazy and unwilling to work – allegedly, they have developed anxiety, which is nothing but modern-day nonsense. You have to understand that you are surrounded by lazy idiots, your competition included. The current crisis is a great time for those who have managed to toughen up and find people who are not lazy and not idiots. So, we are on a roll – we are getting a kick out of it.”
And where can you find this capable staff?
“Have you tried paying more?”
How can you avoid becoming a ‘lazy idiot’ in your circumstances and stagnating at a certain point?
“For me, it is not even a question. Yes, some people hit a ceiling, start jaunting on their yachts and they make way for others... I'm not a workaholic, but it's important for me to invest time and effort in setting up the process so that everything works.”
Did you place your employees on furlough during the lockdowns?
“Of course, but we kept feeding most of them with our money. There were some layoffs and salary cuts, but those who were important were still paid out of our pocket. We spent two million pounds.”
Has it become harder to import wine after Brexit? Have the prices risen?
“It’s become harder to transport wine from here to the producing countries, such as Spain, Italy and France. Importing from there is no problem.”
Have you thought about diversifying during the pandemic?
“Our main focus is retail. We never closed, since we work with the essentials. Tobacconists and liquor stores were open during the lockdowns. At the same time, there were multiple orders to the same addresses throughout the pandemic: many people became alcoholics.”
Can you become an alcoholic, drinking such expensive wine?
“Alcoholism is a state of mind, not your typical wine check bill.”
You have said some pretty harsh things about the Glasgow climate summit in social media. Don't you believe in global warming?
“No, I do not. Climate changes cyclically, and seven hundred years ago Greenland was inhabited. All this heresy, starting from the Kyoto Protocol, is pure protectionism. It has nothing to do with caring about nature. Four hundred private jets flew in for that climate summit. If only those people had cycled there... Or used budget airlines, at the very least.”
The problem of plastic waste is real though, isn’t it?
“Yes, but it should be solved with the help of public institutions, not through bans and condemnation. It's okay if you go green. I try not to take unnecessary plastic bags and I do not ask for a receipt from an ATM either. But I wear fur and leather, because it is beautiful and warm. I will order a petrol engine car because it is convenient; there are no proper electric convertibles in existence yet. When they come, I will order one with a battery.”
How is the new green elite worse than their predecessors?
“They are just as dishonest and vile. This ‘Earth Hour’, when everyone turns off the lights, is hypocrisy that has nothing to do with reality.”
On Style
You are wearing a T-shirt with a portrait of Daniil Kharms. Is it a tribute to the absurdity of the modern world, or just an element of #clochardeluxe style?
“My birthday was in September, and I had a party with the theme of the Dada movement from 1915 to 1917. We had three hours of Dada art and music, wearing matching costumes. This avant-garde movement emerged in neutral Switzerland after the whole world had gone crazy. Lenin was there too, by the way – he joined the Dadaists and participated in their movement. This art expresses absolutely nothing, and it is because nothing can explain what is happening; logic has left the world, left the chat. This is quite similar to what is going on now.”
By the way, how did your #clochardeluxe style come to life? Is it a manifesto of inner freedom?
“At first it was a slap in the face of public taste. Then that flamboyance was influenced by Tanya’s taste [Tatiana Fokina is Yevgeny Chichvarkin’s life companion and ‘comrade-in-arms’ – Ed.] Yet I didn’t turn all black-and-white, as she is, although clochard de luxe was shaped under her influence – as in physics, where one function modifies another.”
On Children and Education
If we live in complete absurdity, what can we share with our children? What did you say to your kids in 2020?
“Read books. The last thing I gave my daughter to read was 1984 by George Orwell.”
I’ve read somewhere that you are not going to bequeath anything to your children. How so? Do you want them to start from scratch?
“From scratch? First, you go to Pembridge Hall and study with private tutors – you have Russian and English, mathematics, arts and so on. Then you go to Wycombe Abbey with extra maths at the weekends. Then, if you're not an idiot, you are accepted to Imperial College or LSE and stay there until you are twenty-something. How is that from scratch?”
Do you want your children to work for hire?
“Sure. If they don’t come up with a start-up, how else are they to understand life’s inner workings? I’ve never worked for hire, though. I’ve always been a profit monger.”
What do you think about business education – does an entrepreneur need, say, an MBA?
“Doing an MBA is a scene where you can find a partner more or less from your circle, and then you can chat with them after having sex. I would say all business education is bullshit – it’s just luxury dating of sorts. There is no new knowledge there, but it can help you to sort out what’s already in your head.”
On Investments
Are you investing?
“Over the last eleven years, in wine only. The returns are good.”
Any wine investment tips for the locals? Could we come to your store and discuss what to buy for the future?
“We do not manage other people's portfolios for pennies. We are a retail company and we get our retail margin. Let those who consult for money give this kind of advice.”
When investing, what kind of wines do you mainly choose?
“The ones we can sell. We never try to predict future growth.”
Any specific region?
“No, we are absolutely cynical in this regard.”
On Wine
Do you have to drink alcohol if you are in the wine business?
“There is nothing you ever have to do. I am not a fan of day-drinking, yet it feels quite right in the evening. Sometimes, after a big dinner, I consume pickle water, juices and vitamins – it’s an intricate combination. I go to the banya [Russian sauna] and so on. It’s a comprehensive set of liquids that helps me to come to my senses quickly.”
Why do you drink?
“For pleasure.”
Only wine?
“Vodka too. Four or five times a year I am in the mood for vodka. When I have a cold or when I’m really stressed.”
On the Restaurant
How many of your customers come to Hide because it is Chichvarkin's restaurant and it has an exceptionally beautiful staircase?
“I’m very glad there are very few of them now. These days, people come for the taste.”
And who decides on the taste?
The chef at Hide. Of course, we set some general guidelines, note any discrepancies and share our opinions in the form of recommendations, but it happens very rarely.”
Were you bothered by the reviews of Russian speakers who, say, were indignant about serving food on pheasant feathers in Hide?
“I am not at all interested in the Russians’ opinion of the menu, the taste of our food or the serving style. Here we listen to the British, Italians, Japanese and Northern Europe. But if Russians have complaints about the speed of service or the manners, we deal with that immediately. Our people like nit-picking, say, when a toilet is not spotlessly clean, or a door handle is flimsy. And that’s where they are right. But if you don’t like the sauce, it is not your area of expertise, sorry.”
On Libertarianism
Is indifference to other people's opinions part of libertarian thinking?
“Me and mine are the main thing. No one has the right to tell others how they must enter the temple, what kind of headscarf they must wear and at what time of the month they are allowed in.”
And what if I want to wear a headscarf?
“It's your perfect right to do so. You can even circumcise – yourself, not anyone else.”
What is a libertarian willing to pay the state for?
“A tithe for border protection, courts, police and emergency services. This is it.”
Yet Ayn Rand, one of the main libertarians, depended on state benefits in the last years of her life. Who would have paid her if the world had implemented her principles?
“She is a deeply controversial figure. For one thing, there is no space for children in her theory. And I believe there is a place for them in our life.”
What is it like to be a libertarian in the era of restrictions? You can’t enter many countries without vaccination.
“That’s why I got vaccinated as soon as it was possible. For travel. To show to the whole world that vaccination is civilisation. I am all for civilisation.”
On Money
Are you working for money these days?
“What else would I work for? Some people say they work “for their mission”. I feel the urge to puke my guts out when I read things like that. Of course, everyone works for money. Alternatively, they want to trick their employees into working for a pittance. BBC journalists asked me in 2019, ‘How much money do you need and what do you need it for?’ I replied that I wanted enough money to pay for a bone marrow transplant without it undermining the running of my business – if whatever person I liked needed it. A year and a half after the interview, they cut that bit. It just has to be like this: the rich are the baddies, and the poor are the good guys. Hardworking people are miserable, while we are feeding off them, selling a bottle of wine for a hundred thousand... And exactly one and a half years later I publicly paid for Navalny's treatment at the Charité, which, of course, you are not going to mention in your publication.”
On Happiness
Are you happy in emigration?
“Happiness has nothing to do with emigration. Happiness is your health in the first place – and your outlook on life. If you take everything too close to your heart, it’s a hard life. If you don’t have any problems with these two things, yet you are still unhappy, you’d better go see a doctor. It is not normal.”
And what is normal?
“Suffering, going to the gallows voluntarily, turning the other cheek, submitting your arm to amputation, and so on – these are all post-Christian deviations, for which we’ll be in therapy for generations to come. It is normal to live comfortably, peacefully, lovingly, creatively and knowledgeably. To work just enough to cover the needs at your level of Maslow's hierarchy. When you are in the middle of the pyramid, you have to work the most. And if you are high up there, you don’t even need to work – you have already reached your self-actualisation.”
What else brings you pleasure, apart from wine and money-making?
“I get a kick out of travelling. I’m happy when my six-year-old cracks a joke and it’s funny.”
In Russian?
“Yes. Though I’m sure my daughter can tell a joke in English, and half of her classmates will be crying with laughter. I would never be able to do that.”
